Friendships come in waves, more often then not we don’t stay in touch with friends from high school and work friends are great while you work with them. The friends you make in your twenties are often for life or for a season, enter your thirties and they’re split into two groups – the friends with children and the friends without, how do we relate to each other when our two worlds are vastly different!?
Whether your friends are still living their single life travelling the world, buying expensive makeup or your friends are announcing they are pregnant and buying their first homes with enough rooms for, no not your room when you sleep over – a baby room.
It can be a hard adaption, especially if that person is very close with you because priorities shift and what one needs from the other, they can’t always give to you anymore. It doesn’t have to mean the friendships end though, it means it’s time for what i call a ‘levelling up’ period.
Friendships evolve and change just as much as we humans do and communication is the key to any long lasting relationship, you essentially level up together. If you are the friend with no children you might be tired of making all the plans and dates to have them cancelled last minute, not knowing whether you should ask if you need a highchair at the fancy restaurant you’ve just booked for your catch up. I won’t forget to add when you do catch up, the conversation is always interrupted by a child or laundry or even pumping time.
A friend of mine who had a baby once sat me down with a glass of wine and told me in a kind way “You used to be my priority but you’re not anymore. You’re still my best friend but my life has changed.”
Did it hurt? No, it didn’t. Because i shouldn’t be her priority, that’s not how the world works. If you are the childless friend its important to remember that the hard stage for you doesn’t last forever just like it doesn’t last forever for your friend with the new baby. Children become less dependant and naps last longer. I can guarantee you when your friend has a free moment she is going to love to gossip with you and have a glass of wine, but she also will be tired and that’s OK.
On the other hand for the mums with bubs, your childless friends aren’t any less busy or less grown because they don’t have children. They might not know what its like to be up every three hours for feeds and have a tiny human to care for but they have their own mental and psychical battles and have been by your side for the important moments. If you can’t make a dinner or you’re just exhausted from life that’s OK but communicate with your friends and don’t be offended if they are put out, they love and miss you that’s why they made the time to see you.
Its great to make new mum friends, it’s needed! But you will need the people who knew you without baby as well. The friends that can remind you that even though you are looking worn out, your partner is driving you mental and your child won’t leave you alone, you were and will always be the same woman who lived a full life prior to your children and these people love you and your little human(s) even more because they’re a part of you.
Don’t write them off because they can’t relate to your mum life, we all watch the same instagrams, we all love or hate the new reality TV shows. There is so much your friends can relate to you about – try and remember that when you feel like your life is harder than theirs because they don’t have children.