Friend or Frenemy?

I knew a girl once who always made me feel like we were competing and it was pretty shitty feeling, everything that happened in our friendship made me question if we were really even friends. Often its the small things that we continue to excuse that turn into big monsters in our heads.  

Friends that make your feel stressed or anxious or sad are not really friends, they are the people that should help you to be the best version of you. It isn’t OK if they start to bring you down like when you start seeing a new guy and she instantly dislikes him or pushes you to react to small things. The times you feel really happy and she all of a sudden has had the worst experience of the week, sound familiar? 

Dr Andrea Bonior, psychologist and author of ‘The Friendship Fix’ told Womens Health Magazine “If you did a happy dance the last time they cancelled plans, it’s probably because you’re tired of putting in more work than the friendship is worth. “It feels more draining; it feels like a chore.”

When it comes to addressing the friendship Bonior states “If your toxic friend has no clue that they’re radioactive, they might push back harder, get offended, become accusatory, or just totally miss the hint.” 

In the case of worst case scenario Bonior advises “The person could start a huge argument, and when that’s the case, all you owe to that person is just be clear about what you’re doing. You can be respectful, but you gotta be firm.” 

To stay firm, she recommends going into this conversation with a clear sense of what you want to get out of it. “This will help you keep your emotions in check if it starts getting into a confrontation. When that happens, all you have to say is, “This discussion is upsetting to me. I’ve told you where I stand. I’m not going to be able to spend much time with you in the future. I am not going to be in touch.”

If you feel like a friendship is draining you more then it’s making you feel good then it’s time to revaluate if you need this person in your life before it’s too late. It is never OK to allow toxic behaviour out of length of friendship or because it’s ‘just how they are’. 

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